FEAR – The God Killer

Fear can be a culprit, helping to breed many perspectives from a far. Perception!

Had someone very close to me “read me my rights” tonight. It was interesting having them share what they believed was absolute truth based on simple perception but never having asked the pertinent questions that help us see, walk beside and understand one another’s journey.  For years he instead held an opinion based on ocular perspective and not information from the source

I sat quietly as they spewed venom and restrained opinion now released with no weight of or regard for the position they “hold” with me.  I allowed them to speak at a level of personal truth that was freeing for them.

The best part was not only hearing their opinion, but waiting patiently to hear Gods response internally to what was being said to me. After all, the truth is that the people closest to us do see us “naked” to a degree. However that doesn’t make their perspective absolute or “Truth.

As I said, I listened, and what was being said was not so great, hell, if I’m honest it stung, hurt, and made me feel low at first. Even more I had to recognize that this truth, their experience was real for them. I don’t get to discount it simply because I hadn’t any idea of how they felt.

I however thank God for the whispers of the Holy Spirit. The complete and Total TRUTH from God.  In those moments I was challenged to be vulnerable enough to say, to tell the whole truth, not only to them, the listener but also to myself.

I had to recognize that though I hadn’t any idea I was the savage, non-communicative, asshole, flagrant, arrogant, insensitive, unruly person being described to me, it had a weight, of truth.  As they spoke I began seeing images of moments, experiences we’d experienced together. Shows, tapings, traveling etc.  I internally asked God…Who was I then? As I am CERTAIN of who I am NOW.  Without Apology.

GOD: Ahh, Abe. You see what fear can do? Do you see what brokenness without the hand of God can do? Are you hearing that this person feels as if you discounted who they were to me, what they did for you and even bigger how they felt you showed appreciation or a lack there of? Are you strong enough to admit that there is a hint of broken truth to what is being said to you? Do you see the damage it’s rolled out in your life? Is there any factual evidence to disprove these statements? Can you honestly say you have no idea what they’re saying and why? Will you now be strong enough to check, or be checked in a way that will grow you? Are you willing now to expose your true self without the fear of ridicule and judgement even from someone who you believe loves you ?

My  answer was an emphatic Yes to ALL

I sat there and nearly melted, and then the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder.

Holy Spirit: Hey you! Yes? It’s ok ABE.

Me: It is?

Holy Spirit: Yes son. Fear breeds just about every one of those statements made to you.

Me: Fear?

Holy Spirit: Yes Abe, Fear.

Me: Why Fear?

Because fear is not clothed in the good. It often times shows up as anger, stand-offish-ness, arrogance, short sided-ness, unappreciative, snappiness, boastful, pushy, an afraid Abraham.

You see, the person was speaking to me from their own perspective…which is about them…though it helps you to see you, it doesn’t make it your personal truth.

Symptoms often times reveal a greater wound, or hurt. This person was speaking to me about a period in my life when I felt completely alone and abandoned. I felt used and chased after, abused and not considered or seen. I felt no love.  I could only see the hurt from peers, lovers, family, church hurt etc.  So I dealt with everyone with the mindset that “You’re only here to get something. Once this is over, once there is no Oprah glow, no money flowing, you’ll be out.”

I’d won the Oprah show, but I gained a heap of problems and people who honestly were not there for me. They were there for the stuff and things. The light and hope that they’d “get something.

I’m not speaking to everyone I knew. But I can say that it made me protect myself from, shield myself, hide myself…which appears as Boughie, haughty, arrogant and distasteful to the on-looker. When in fact, I was scared, I could feel that the Los Angeles singing peers I thought I had… Well, were not friends, in a great number of cases. My friends hadn’t won 250,000.00 so they didn’t know that pressure, etc. I went through a number of things I had zero support for nor were there people around who’d experienced an exponential unplanned moment of growth and trajectory shifting. All of a sudden I was “seen” and expected to know what that meant, how to deal, how to handle etc.

I say all of this to share the amazing Love God has for us. I noticed that God never kept tabs of my brokenness but instead shared with me while my friend was tearing me a new one, how he protected me, yes, Abraham. Your ears were too sensitive then, you would have listened and quit. You would have folded. Yes, arrogant, Arrogance is false confidence, He said, I used that to build you while you had NONE. Stand-offis-ness, I used that because you were so broken and lonely you would have let anyone in. Yes. Shortness… ABE I only needed you to hear what I was saying so there was no need to listen to the broken who stood with knives around you.

Abraham you have to understand that I love you. So much so That I couldn’t allow you to be be concerned about those around you at the time. “I am God and they are my responsibility” All of that was to get you HERE. You don’t need the cheers anymore, your skin is tough, you don’t rely completely on a sounding board because I Do That for you NOW. Arrogance, no sir, I’ve taken everything from you, so that I can gift you with LIFE which is so much greater than the stuff, things and even opportunity folks think you get that they don’t. I CHOOSE Abraham. I CHOOSE> And You SON have been chosen.

Beyond, your brokenness, your ugliness, your challenges, your uncertainties, your arrogance, your sorrowfulness, you ARE MINE!!!

I CHOOSE. Choosing you is a gift because now you stand without being the accuser…because you now know what that feels like, you know what hopelessness is, so Now I fill you with HOPE. Your gift is a mighty one, but impotent without me. Sounding good is not the anointing. Being the Light is the anointing and the light only comes with Discipline and Obedience.”

I was able to turn to my brother and share where I was during those times of despair, and desperation, exponential growth and shine. I was able to look in to their heart and share that I never, not once intended to disrespect you, hurt you, mistrust you… I was moving around in a bubble to Protect Myself. I cannot apologize for who I was 10 years ago because it took that to get THIS and THIS I will never exchange for a money bag or fame. PEACE OF MIND is a Gift that’s only rivaled by simply “being alive”.

So for you. The mean one, the sad one, the uncomfortable one, the un-favored one, the arrogant one, the shy one, the lonely one, the fearful one. Today we take up our cross and Become FEARLESS.

FEAR will not overcome me. Fear will not keep me from grinding and pushing forward without apology…the ONLY requirement is that I follow God. I listen, I make an effort to hear the spirit and that I am truthful with myself which will allow me to be truthful with you.

Never be afraid to hear the people closest to you. The truth is I asked, “Why would you work so long for such a heinous person by your description? In his own fear he was afraid to step out and become the brilliant creative genius he is today.   He took fire that he would have never seen had he been obedient to the spirit himself.  We learned so much in that conversation which I believe has drawn us to a higher level of respect and the ability to respond without weight, sass or hash.

Two STRONG people will Always choose a conversation over an argument.  Today was a great day for a much needed conversation.

Thank God for God.  Y’all be good out there.

AB McDonald

DReam Live Thrive the Dherbs Battlefield; The Wednesday Rush

On the move and off again.  Traveling while balancing weight loss can a be a serious trick, however it can be mastered if you prepare and believe.

You’d think that working out is the major task, but no sir, it’s definitely finding the right things to eat in a city where you know nothing and no one.  There’s no one there to prepare what you want or need for that matter.  Target becomes your go to market of sorts but you can’t really expect much there either.

Here’s what to do:

When traveling and with enough time scoping out the surrounding area of your hotel or venue becomes the most important thing.  Having an idea of what’s available in the hotel, markets, super stores etc will help you put your “food map” together.  If you don’t you will feel forced to eat whatever is available and convenient.  I can tell you now that could be the worse thing for you.

Also, if you don’t have a gym in your hotel it’s good to know these things so you can make the walk, search a part of your workout session.  Running up and down the eastern seaboard sounds like a good idea until you’re doing it, hungry.

Another thing to do if you’re on an extended stay and you don’t have a fridge in your hotel room is the never failing Ice Chest.  Yup, CVS, Duane Reed, Walgreens or any other pharmacy in the country carries them.  They make for great daily storage for any live fruits and veggies you pick up.

Things I DO NOT eat while traveling.

BREAD

Sugar

Baked Goods

Pancakes

No Juice

No Soda

No Candy

No Yeast

No Liquor

I am certain to not put anything in my body that will stay with my while traveling.  Sounds easy enough, Its Hard As Hell!

All you want while on the road is comfort food or a strong stiff drink a lot of laughing.  Sometimes seeing someone with a giant steak can make you want to ATTACK!!! Lol but stay calm and stick to your guns.  Hold your own hand and be your best friend.

Traveling like I say can make you a bit hungrier than you’d normally be but a few tips can make the trip a breeze.

Dream Live Thrive the Dherbs Battlefield: CONFESSION N.Y., and I Liked it

Candle 79

Back on the horse, around the bend and back again. Something that I forgot and unfortunately have to now remember, taking breaks is for Suckas. I ate New York ya’ll! I did, and a lil bit of LA too! It was good to y’all. I’ve heard that confession is a freeing experience so I figured I have to confess my edible sins so I can move forward with no baggage.

So yes, I broke the rules and I’m paying for it now, I’ve been sluggish and not gym motivated. I didn’t only hang out with a plate of fried fish I kanoodled with all kinds of sinfully delicious and completely the anti anything that is good health good life. Oh my, the burrito, the chicken, the spaghetti and the ribs. Lort! What was I to do? I couldn’t help myself. Oh but I could had I only insisted my birthday taste buds retire from wilding me with ideas of New York slices and mid-night Shawarma food runs, I just couldn’t resist and I also ate a slice of chocolate cake and I ate 6 Oreo cookies.

Ok ok settle down or as one of my young ones would say, “summer donna”. So yes, I did, I enjoyed food for a week. Now of course I didn’t eat all of these things in the same day – most of my daily plan stayed in order, oh and I had an egg bacon and cheese poppy seed bagel. It was good too! So yes. (Clears throat) Yes most of my food regimen remained in tact with the majority of my food being roughage and fruit and of course let us not forget my famous trip to “Candle 79 truly a wonderful dining experience.

http://www.Candle79.com
Chili-herb grilled seitan, caramelized onion, sautéed greens, chipotle black beans, brown rice, tofu sour cream, guajillo chipotle salsa

So that’s it – today I picked up where I left off, I went to the gym I packed my almonds and apples etc for the day and got to it. I unfortunately sucked at the gym today but it was still a win win. That elliptical and treadmill got my digestive track moving again and I was grateful. Yay Fiber. Lol. See you guys in a bit and THANK YOU for all of the birthday wishes.

THAT’S IT, IT’S OVER, I’VE PRAYED. IT IS DONE!

dherbs.com Full Body Cleanse

AB

Dherbs.com

Broken Down and Put BACK together AGAIN

Broken Down and put Together Again

I imagine that when Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and couldn’t be put back together again, his first thought was “this is some bull!  How in the hell did I get on the “wall” in the first place?  And why if I was put there is there no way to put me back together again.  I think most people have the same thoughts when living new uncomfortable experiences.

In most cases we follow our bliss or more than often work with the hand we were dealt.  If I’m not the dealer but I have to work with what I’m given, why then was my ability to carry this load not considered prior to dishing it out to me.  I’ve often been subjected to fits and climates I never thought I’d be able to reconcile.  Even to this day, I’m handed, given, forced to carry things I didn’t initially think were mine or that I could handle.  I believe however, the author of all things, which are one, enables us when we truly seek to carry out the plan for our individual lives as opposed to complaining our way around the immediate subject at hand.

Picture this if you can, there are waves, giant and small that carry us the distance.  They sweep us to the moments that motivate us and the ones that disgust us…but if you’ve ever taken time to watch a true surfer…  You’ll see that even if he crashes he doesn’t stay down long.  He wades it out and catches the next wave so that he can twist and turn, sway and swoon, almost making love to the water itself.

I was in Hawaii not long ago for a friends wedding and well, some much needed down time.  One day my friend and I decided to take a walk along the sands.  It was beautiful out.  People everywhere, music playing, drinks flowing; you could even see folk’s hang gliding and flying kites.  It was truly a bliss filled day.   Of course there were plenty of people in the ocean, kids laughing and enough skin showing along the shore to cover 1000 statues of the Buddha.  I mean people were out to have a good old time.  As I walked and listened to a bit of Fred Hammond (get into him if ya don’t know) when a particular surfer caught my eye.  So much so that I decided to take video of him as he wrestled his board with the water.  He would come back to shore, run into the water but would attempt to do a flip as he entered the current.  Brave to say the least, he intrigued me.

He did notice me watching eventually and after several cracks at it whilst I watched he was able to grab the exact wave he wanted.  I enjoyed his triumph and he gave me a wave of “Finally” we both smiled and I walked on dredging my feet in the white sands.  As I did so and the song I was listening to rose to climax I had an epiphany.  The waves we so daringly seek to ride are the ones that usually conflict us the most, they press us to pull harder and force us to be combative, show much defense and ignite offensive thinking.  You see, a small wave makes no mutter and doesn’t in most cases grow us or take us very far, it’s in that waves that can crash us, break us, pull us down that when we stand on that board rises us to measure. 

I’ve been broken, a fe times; I’ve looked into my mothers’ eyes and seen the joy of my winning and the depth of her sadness when I’ve lost.  I’ve witnessed the glee and cheer of those surrounding me who believe at the time and I’ve felt the dark coldness of being lonely when the road is ruff and I must travel alone.  When the stars are aligned for my triumph and heat at the nape of my neck when the wicked seek to destroy me.   Yes Humpty Dumpy, you are exactly right…it does feel like some bullshit when you’ve hit the ground and there are no kings men in place to help put you back together again.

But have you ever stopped to think; the men/women around you could be wolves in kings clothing waiting to devour you in spirit as you tumble and fumble the road?  Have you ever appraised the relationships of those who sit alongside you, skillfully nudging you off the wall while seemingly holding you together?  Let me tell you something, bravery does not mean you suffer no anxiety in your just reasoning to be fair or present to the life awarded you, or account those who want to be of the inner courts of your life.  Bravery knows when to jump so you don’t get pushed off the wall.  My theory is that Humpty’s ass didn’t fall, no, in fact Humpty trusted everyone the same when that just can’t be the way you live.

I’m inciting no riot here; I’m merely suggesting that we recognize the cost of riding Big Waves.  There are people who may look like you because they sit next to you at work, in church, at school – but be mindful that not everyone is designed to ride/walk with you.  I am of firm belief that when your Master Love Source decides, sees fit, acknowledges that you are ready to be promoted, chances are He’s going to break you first.  Ahhh.  And it is in that breaking that All glory comes forth.

We don’t see ourselves as who He has made us, we see ourselves as who we want to be…and even that shell has to be broken if you are truly willing to be designed for greatness.  Brokenness, yes, it feels like who da hell! Lol, I’d be lying if I said otherwise – losing friends and family, jobs and “soul mates” hurts…it just does.  But we are Not Humpty baby, we ain’t waiting on kings men, nope, uhn un…we have a King who will ride out for and with us.  Specifically designing the waves of our individual lives.  There’s a master designer at work that wills to see you meet the mark, catch the wave and ride it all the way to the fullness of your destiny.  All it takes from you is 1%.  1% of work, faith, belief, strength and trust; the wave may be high, the current strong, the wind roaring…but He has your hand.

What I learned from that kid on the beach was “Go For It! And Go with EVERYTHING in you with no fear.  I’m a complete believer that His strength is Made perfect when ours is Gone.  Humpty’s was gone; problem was he called on the wrong king. I can’t make you believe, but I can tell you, as sure as I was on my knees with my face buried in my bedroom floor crying out for guidance, love and protection, vision and light, lifting and provision…the wave I was on carried me to an entirely new ocean of hope, faith and trust.  I trust Him more, even with every dark cloud not yet been lifted- I trust the calculation and timing of the waves I get to ride.  I keep my eyes and ears open and I look for the light/energy in those I choose to share bread with.  Yes, I have been broken down- But I’m being put back together Again.

The Investment

The Investment.

It’s a wondrous thing to witness how many folk want a better life, longer life, more money, healthier families and spiritual grounding, but no one wants to do the work.  I’ve also noticed that most of us, and I do include myself have at times trusted the vision for our lives but truly want the journey to be of our own design.   We say we trust our Master Love Source, the maker and increaser of our faith but rarely pour ourselves into finding out exactly who that Love Source IS.

And don’t trip, cause all of these things have been accounted for in the every day apparatus of being a living breathing mechanism.  Uhhh, a clearer way of understanding this is first recognizing that well, hell, we’re Human.  Which is an automatic fail in and of it self. Lol.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not saying that being human is a bad thing (for you extremists) but what I am saying is it is our natural inclination to have traits of laziness, selfishness, vanity, slothfulness, arrogance, belligerence, ignorance, insensitivity, entitlement and host of other seemingly negative nuances.  It’s also our right to be proud, certain, confident, trusting, loving, honest, pure at heart, giving and superb creators, inventors, intuitive, thrill seeking and adventurous.

What I’ve married myself to is recognizing that the Vision for my life is an all broadcast kind of thing.  In most cases, others see it even before you do…you ever hear someone remark “I’m not surprised” or “that’s to be expected” even while you’re still in awe of your own accomplishment?  Well, that’s because the author of your life, my life, and our lives has yet again pulled one over on us.  Your Master Love Source is the best publicist you could ever want or think to have.  This is why it’s more important for you to believe in the journey rather than the vision for your life.

In most cases we fail, not at believing that we’re great, wonderful, gorgeous, fully capable, we fail at recognizing the steps God has awarded us in moving toward that vision.  We must also fully believe that though we have seen the vision, it does not mean that it happens in the order that we’ve seen it.  You ever hear someone say, “the vision has changed” and then 5 years later you see him or her moving fastly into the place that they’d first recognized as the original motion in their movement.  Well, that’s because quite simply, who wants to see a movie where you know every twist and turn with no surprises?  The Master of your life has to be entertained too! Lol.  Sounds like malarkey right?

But it’s definitely true.  If God had told King David every twist and turn early on in his journey, David would have sat his ass down on a rock and quit! And I would not have had the experience of putting my prayers in the whaling wall of David in Israel a year ago, Period!  Those twists and turns however are what make us great, building character and strength in the lining of our peregrination.  Tenacity, “stick-to-itiveness” as a dear friend of mine would say.

I’ve often said that singing, performing is the greatest love affair of my life.  It’s the only “woman” allowed to cheat on me and I still come running back to her knowing what she’s done.  The very thing that tears me apart is what rebuilds me time and time again. 

Today’s note is not about how much weight I’ve lost, what I’ve accomplished as a singer, writer, entrepreneur or servant to the people.  It’s about you the eager believer of that which has been cast on “the canvas of your imagination”.  Be forewarned that the journey you’re embarking upon is no fast paced walk or sprint for that matter- it is of a fine wine, a delicacy to be savored.  A body of living experiences trusted only because you’ve leaned on the shoulder that continues to design, shape and define your life.  

Want whatever it is you want, but only desire the things that have been given to mind in the secret place.  Those conversations that only you know about, the sweet whispers that come to you in your dreams.   And then dedicate yourself to the work!  There are know handouts, all things desired must be acquired through works.  Hard work!  And though I trust and believe that “favor ain’t fair” God knows whose already ready for that leg of their journey.  Stay in your lane with your mind, heart, body and head fixed forward.  Do not turn to the left nor the right for only a fool does so in turn missing the destination that was purposed just for you.

You may be Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Hinduism or have African Diasporic tradition… Truth is, I don’t care because the principals are the same.   Dial yourself into the process.

100 Pounds and Down; The Weekend Warrior

Floyd Mayweather Celebrity Basketball game 2010; Abraham McDonald sings the National Anthem

Weekend Warrior! 100 Pounds and Down!

S a t u r d a Y

Travel Bag:

• Oranges √
• Plum √
• Nuts √
• Dried fruit √
• Distilled Water √
• Good attitude √

Schedule:

• Merge Summit 2012 with Niecy Nash and the cast of TV Lands The Soul Man,
• Guest performer for the 2012 She Cares Foundation Celebrity Basketball Game
• Song Writing Session with Wendy Parr
• Jam Session with John Morayniss

A good attitude and keeping busy is unquestionably what kept me afloat this weekend as I balanced my new diet plan.  Having a support system, whether its one or two people is going to be a saving grace for you also…trust me, it has definitely been that for me.

I woke up Saturday morning excited because I’d made it to Saturday without compromising my decision to change.  I thought to myself this Type II Diabetes is gonna get its tail whooped one way or another!  I’m armed with my DHERBS cleanse, exercise and a support team around me.  Winning isn’t easy and it sure as hell feels like something in the process, ya know?  I had put things in order and felt victorious, hopeful that I could do this, that I can win therefore making the difference in my life and adding years to it.  Again, there I go sounding all profound, right?

Well, It was some weekend and it did have its ups and downs.

Wrote a song `bout it, like ta hear it, here it go!  What the “bleep” was I thinking, going cold turkey with no damn turkey?  Where were the angels of all that is rich and fattening, tasty and fried when I made this decision to uhm, “better my life”.  I mean, who in the hell left the gate open so they could escape?

Saturday held a lot of inspiring moments and anecdotes from some of my favorite friends and people; however none of those things, stories, people or pushes satisfied the hunger pain I was having.  When it was said, “man shall not live by bread alone” I most definitely thought he was saying that I should partake in all things ham, fried and creamy!  And now I have to go through an entire LA day with a bag of nuts and packed fruit to survive?  I mean really!?

And really, that’s what I did :).  This figuring it out as you go plan is something of a headache.  I’ve never cooked raw food, damn-it, raw food has never been cooked!  Lol.  But, the mere thought of caving now is more than disheartening.  It’s Not An Option.  You see?  I’m a firm believer that it took a lot to get it on, so it’s going to take something New in me to get it off and defeat this disease that takes so many lives unexpectedly.

I guess when you hear the term “raw food” there’s an automatic dislike emblem that stamps itself across your forehead.  Lol.  I’m still battling with my “old” taste buds and I’ve found out the hard way, their ass aren’t going anywhere without a fight!

Something inside of me all weekend has nudged… “if you don’t get me a piece of chicken there may be some kind of spontaneous combustion that will eventually take course inside of me”.  Well, needless to say, that didn’t happen. But I do want to talk about the discomforts that come as you’re transitioning into a new space and way of living.

Being uncomfortable will become the least of your worries.  The discomfort is your body naturally acting out just as a child would.  It wants what it wants and that’s just it.  But you, me, we have to be the masters of what thinking we ascribe to.  I will not get chin checked by my belly or my taste buds!  I recall a friend saying to me, “we need to eat for energy, not taste”, of course I thought, “Shut D hell up!”  But how many times have you eaten something and instead of wanting to get a move on it; you decide to sit down on it instead.

I had my “eureka or ah ha” moment as Oprah would say on Sunday while dining with friends.  I was sitting at the table whilst people piled gobs of ranch dressing on their salads, eating bread and filling themselves with iced tea, lobster, steak and chicken.  Granted, I thought, ”I could have just one piece of bread, right?  No sooner the thought came the evidence that I had the wrong idea.   It wasn’t about what I could eat because truly I can eat what I want, it became about what I should eat.  Not much of an epiphany, but it did give me the strength to do none of what I’d originally wanted.

If I have to pack a bag, I’d rather that than wrap up and amputated leg.  It boils down to making the decision.

This weekend was a rough one but a victorious one.  It was me finally becoming ok with what I’ve decided to do…again.  I say again because there are constant reminders all around the city that say stop and taste this.  Today, I’ll just have another taste…of life.

See y’all Monday.  God only knows what obstacles will be there waiting for me.

A photo I took while doing the Oprah show.

The Skin I Live In; 100 Pounds and Down Day IV

Setting the tone for weight loss success has a lot to do with personal attitude.  I’ve been readjusting my attitude a lot lately.  I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of cool things, meet a lot of cool people and see a bunch of cool places.  But in all of that, the hustle, the pressure of living I’m seeing now that I have not always had my ears, eyes or heart open for that matter, I have not always been “Present” as my sis Niecy Nash would say…”baby, Stay Present!

Being that I’m on the tightrope of accountability and transparency now, I’m looking and noticing that I very well might have been so consumed with what I wasn’t, what I didn’t have or who I didn’t know that I became a mystery to myself.

I like to say that I’m an extroverted introvert.  I know how to be “on” but that does not make me “present”.  I know you know what I’m talking about; a room full of people but still alone, it’s your birthday but everyone else is celebrating it better than you.  I’ve even been the person who is SO happy and content that that was a lie too.  Just another face I put on, a way to disregard or elude my true feelings.  My true self.

Uncovering, shedding the layers fighting for new air in a suffocating world has made me take shorter breaths yes, but it’s also made me think about the spaces and places I want to breathe in.  Do I even want the “dream” I’ve reached for?  What if the best place, resource for air is right here in the now and the clearing of so much personal junk.  I believe that there is a time for everything under the sun… Maybe the time I’ve so dreamed about is contingent upon my renewing my mind and rebuilding my spiritual walls.

Needless to say, I’m “THERE”, “Here”, and “Present” I’m in a space and time of success that is completely dependent upon my being Honest with me.  I’m becoming ok with today being a less than perfect day, or the fact that changing my diet will at times mess with my energy and attitude.  I’m not saying that I can just go off on others because of what I’m choosing to live now, but I am definitely ok with not putting on a face so You can feel better about My mood or attitude.

The truth of the matter is that I’m human, and though that does not grant me a pass to The Thom Foolery Show, It does mean I have a right to every emotion and feeling God blessed me with.  I’ll cuss and scream; I’ll cry and moan, I’ll push and fight with everything in me.  Hell! I may even throw things. Lol.   I’m detoxing every part of me, and well hell, it doesn’t feel so good.

With that, I’m off to eat this damn grapefruit that I’m swearing will taste like a Mandarin Chinese Chicken Salad lol.

Wanted to let you know what this DHERBS Full Body Cleanse consists of.  Remember, the cleanse is dope by itself but you won’t get the weight loss results you desire without changing your diet and adding movement to your daily regimen. 

I take 30 herbal supplements a day in capsule form and a ½ teaspoon of charcoal before bed… Yes, I said charcoal.  You can visit their site for full details on each supplement.

(1) Blood and Lymphatic

(2) Cardiovascular

(3) Liver and Gallbladder

(4) Lungs and Respiratory

(5) Kidneys, Bladder and Adrenals

(6) Colon and Digestive Tract

(7) Carbon

Look I make no false promises, no false hope only the real deal, this is what I’m doing to change my life.  I love singing and performing, I love speaking and teaching and I want to be able to do these things for the rest of my life should the good Lord allow me to.  I just know that it’s gonna burn is all, lol.  I ain’t no punk though.  I know it can and WILL happen with me applying what I’m learnign and believeing that I can do it.

The Music Box Awards Pre-Gala 2011 From left to right, Assemblyman Isadore Hall, Chair & Key Adminstration Post John F Kennedy Center Mattie McFadden-Lawson, Founder Children Uniting Nations Daphna E. Ziman, MEEE 🙂 , Assitant Principal and Youth Advocate Dr. Joyce D. Rushing, and Director Amazing Grace Conservatory GIGI Bolden.  A wonderful night.

The Skin I Live In: 100 Pounds and Down Day II

I saw a movie with Antonio Banderas recently, the premise was, well, crazy as hell. But it did leave a lingering notion to ponder. If I could be anyone else, who would I be? If I could change any body parts, which would I choose? The more I thought about the “modern” world with all of its cutting and changing of sorts, bleeding to be someone you weren’t born to be… I decided! Yes, there are changes that need to be made, some shape shifting that needs to happen but more than any of those thoughts was the wondrous truth that I would Never want to be anyone more than I want to be me. So why not make me Better!
Though I wouldn’t want to be anyone else, live in any other persons skin, and I damn sure don’t want to change any body parts…is there a way to be a better, brighter, more in tune me without succumbing to the lazy idea of cutting it off, over lapping and layering it, pinching and pulling on it?

Yes! There is! Wake up Fat Fat! Day II

The Wake Up Call for me was stepping on an electronic scale that read “ERROR”. I mean, what the hell!!!? You mean to tell me they don’t even make home scales that could tally my weight? It was disheartening, embarrassing and I even felt a bit of humiliation to say the least. And the truth is, there was no one there pointing fingers at me, laughing or making me feel like I was less than human. No one physically pointing I mean.

In one fell swoop I felt everything I’d felt back in my 11th grade math class. I came in, I sat down and the floor picked me up! Lol. Now, the reality is, the chair was a misfit. But it was still terrible. The teacher laughed 1st and there went my confidence as the classroom went into an uproar. The scale represented for me years of feeling alone and unwanted, reasonably unattractive simply because I weighed more than others. An untruth.

I was so clouded by the weight I’d put on that I began to limit my idea of self and who I am called to be. Leaving the weight behind is easy, (kinda) ☺ but the memories and reasoning in why I chose to eat the things I did, well, that’s the part that has to be fixed. I say has as in the present, because I still struggle, I still revert back to some of those thoughts that make me feel like salvation is Not in the church but in Church’s Chicken. But NOW the difference is, I call Victory before the battle. I understand that how I think about myself determines how far I’ll go, how much I’ll win, what I will accomplish. The goal is set and the mark Will be met. But that takes arming yourself properly. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

My weapons of choice:
• DHERBS Full Body Cleanse
• A Gym Membership (Not a damn visitors pass) a pass can be revoked, membership is a decided action
• A RAW Food diet (Laaaaaawd knows this one is a work in progress)
• And Margo my fearless trainer (She’s last only because I have to be self motivated. Weight loss is a journey; no one is obligated to do this with you.)

Day 1 was hard, my mood was a flux, and I could all of a sudden smell every sweet and savory ingredient known to man and for some reason everybody seemed to be speaking to me extra loud and in code. Don’t know What that was all about. Lol.

I did manage to find some good raw food and I had two brilliant workouts. Yes ladies and gentlemen I said two, 2, dos, more than one. Believe it or not the workouts made me feel incredible.  Look! The process is a process. Lets not weave false doctrine or smoke and lights…It’s going to take hard work to make the PV (Physical Vision) come to life. Lord knows I hope I’m as positive tomorrow as I sound today lol. Each day is different.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about me walking in the house to the smell of homemade hamburgers and then getting asked to make a store run for cupcakes, soda and cheetos.  Lord knows, it took everything in me not to slap DEEE hell out of everyone in my path. Lol.

  Everything you see here is raw, homemade and delicious.  From the homeade Kale Shake to the Raw Tacos with Sun Chorizo (nuts and seeds) to the Hearty homemade salad.

Keep an eye out for my work out posts, I’m 6’8 and doin it!

This is my “What the hell! look as I waited to directions in the airport in Tel Aviv, Israel.  I spent two amazing weeks there performing and seeing the amazing city’s of Jerusalem, Nazareth, and a few others.  Amazing to say the least.