Dream Live Thrive the Dherbs Battlefield: The Weekend Roundup

What it do America! Yes, you guessed it, I’m a happy guy today I’ve been having a ball, feeling good and making life happen! And before I make this next week happen, I need to tell on myself. Yes. Your fearless leader got smacked in the face by a fried chicken thigh, a piece of chocolate cake and a few pieces of bacon. Now of course this didn’t all happen on the same day…but that s#*t did happen. And in case you’re wondering, I did enjoy it. It was mmm, mmm, mmmmmmmmm, good. Lol.

Let Talk About It

The New Year brought great hope and cheer, along with an unbearable craving; I mean I felt it deep in my gut, lol. It was a strong calling that I just couldn’t get away from no matter what I tried to eat to “trick” the craving. Look! I know I sound crazy lol, but that’s beside the point. I’d just cleared my cleanse-free-week from the Dherbs Full Body Cleanse. Breaking: working out and eating clean while not taking Dherbs supplements. You do eventually run out and have to refill. 

So, as I was saying, I had just cleared my cleanse-free-week and I wanted to prove to myself that I could push right through and make it buuuut I failed. Not miserably though because I enjoyed the break. Now, I didn’t break the bank, I partnered two chicken thighs with a side salad and watermelon. Choices help us make the race. Admittedly I definitely took a few liberties but that all ended today. After mom Mom’s B-day brunch at Hamburger Mary’s http://hamburgermarys.com/longbeach/, which was an absolute ball. I mean they were a lively show with lots of surprises. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I looked down to see two older white gentlemen blushing at the sight and not amused at all by the parade of Drag Queen’s adorning the stage. Moms was a glow the entire afternoon, I’m sure the three mimosas helped.

Believe it or not, this weekend was a rather quiet one. I did the gym, drank some beat juice (fresh pressed) ate some bacon, ya know. I kept it light. Oh! But my New Year’s evening was absolutely amazing. I worked with my friend Raqual on our annual church watch night service. This year’s theme, “On The Mark” an All White event. We’re a bit extra’d out but it was all to the good J. Our resident thespian Lady S. wrote a two-act monologue based original piece, the Praise team sang, the Dancers danced and Family Feud almost stole the night. We had breakfast prepared for after the church hang from Ms. Silvi but of course the highlight of the night was prayer.

Lead by our gir’ Pastor C, we joined hands around the church on our knees. Young and old, locked in arm. If someone needed to lean, they had a shoulder to lean on. It was beautiful to see and to experience. I remember what my New Year celebrations once were but this was a new height on my life-list. Grateful to share my Holiday Season with my Mom’s sister and brother, I’ve been very reflective during this time and I realize that we may not always get along, live in the same city or state, we will have differences and arguments too, but what ties us together is stronger, more real and ironclad, family love is irreplaceable and I’m glad that though they asses wear me out sometimes, I always have them. My family.

The Skin I live In: A Forest Fool of Food; 100 Pounds and Down

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Entering the Forest

Lush, misty and lavish gardens strummed with vines of the most decadent of fruits.  Oh, the sweetest in sight that I’ve ever seen!  The dim warm tropical trees bore only the best nature has to offer.  Lets see! There was the nacho tree, the vines of fried chicken, oh and the giant soul food oaks.  The streams of my favorite soda pop and grass made of spaghetti, with sauce.  Clouds of soft doughy potato bread and at the center of this amazing forest was a tree like none other- with leaves of chocolate brownies and a trunk of ice cream that when you dipped your brownie in the flavor became whatever you like.  I loved my chocolate brownie covered with pecan praline ice cream!  Yesssss, it was Death Heaven!!!!

Laaawd I’m so glad I woke up from that dream.  Lol.   I felt like sugar diabetes was inching my soul away as I dipped and dived all up and through that place.  Swinging like a monkey on red-vines from tree to tree.  Let me tell you something.  Getting passed the 1^st stage of your weight loss journey is definitely a milestone, but what happens after that is complete temptation.

Since when do I have such vivid dreams that won’t let me escape?  I never have dreams about winning the lottery, but here I am in Willy Wonka’s Soul-food Extravaganza.  What the hell! Lol.   Oh the battle of the mind.  It’s such a tumultuous road as it is, but now my minds begun playing some serious tricks on me.   Good thing I recognize an attack when I see one.  You’ve heard me talk about preparation- making your meals the night before, cutting up that wonderful fruit and freezing it so its smoothie ready, keeping an arsenal of nuts and seeds for snacking and keeping a few ready-made packaged items.  But now lets talk about how to make it good.

What I got from my dream is this “I Miss Flavor!  That does not mean I don’t appreciate the wonderful tastiness of every vegetable I’ve been eating, and I damn sure love the fruit.  But there is nothing like a fat taco with cheese and guacamole.  So, I went and learned how to make “Raw Tacos.  It’s simple, we don’t have to sacrifice flavor because we’ve cut the fatty meat, high calorie cheese and corn tortilla.   And it’s easier than you think.  All you need is a blender, a bag of raw almonds; yes I said almonds, a bag of cashews and all of the regular trimmings that garnish.  

What you’ll need: Makes Twelve Tacos… and no you don’t need to eat all twelve. Damn! Share… lol.

Blender or food processor

Spatula or wooden spoon

Knife

2 bowls

The Meat:

1 cup of Organic Almonds

3 tablespoons of water

2 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Half a clove of garlic

Pink or Sea Salt to taset

1 teaspoon Cumin

1 whole leaf Oregano

1 teaspoon Paprika

Pepper to taste

And a little Red Pepper flake for heat

In your blender:

Pour your almonds in the blender; press the chop or crunch setting until the almonds have been refined a bit. Not powdery.  Nobody wants a soupy taco! Lol.  Add the olive oil while on blend then add two tablespoons of water.  You’ll only add the third tablespoon in the mixture is too thick, which more than likely it will be, ha!Once the mixture is the desired texture, add your spices one at a time.  Feel free to add scallions if you like also.  You don’t want the spices to knock you down however.Blend it all up then use the spatula to scrape into a bowl.

The Cheese:

1 cup of raw Organic Cashews

2 tablespoons of water

1 tablespoon of Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Half of one lemon

1 clove of garlic

Pink or Sea Salt to taste

After cleaning that blender!  Drop your cashews in and begin that wind and grind again, add you oil and then a bit of water… You want this mixture to be creamy.  After the desired texture is on point, add your lemon juice and that mmmm garlic and keep that blend going until it’s thick and creamy. Salt to taste and you’re ready to go.  Spatula that mixture right into a bowl.

Taco time:

Quarter of an Avocado

Pico de Gallo (store bought fresh is fine)

Hearts of romaine (Your taco shell)

Grab a plate and lay three romaine hearts out, cleaned and dried.

Spoon and spread some of your creamy cashew cheese on the lettuce first, then add your meat (almond mixture). Be sure to chunk it on like you would beef or turkey tacos, not too much but enough to see its there.  Top with a few avocado slice and then garnish with that Pico de Gallo and if you want, squeeze just a bit of that lemon juice atop.  Mmmmm, bon appetite!

This is one of the many simple recipes’ I use to curve those cravings I’ve had along the way.  I also have a decadent dessert I’ll be posting soon; it’s as simple as a hand full of cashews’ and some sliced berries.  And it is delicious!

Photos: Me and Chef/Life Coach Tanjareen

The Skin I live In: Lane Changing; 100 Pounds and Down

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves

Lane Changing

It’s kinda hard to not pay attention to things, actions and people around you.  Sometimes even the people you trust the most unintentionally become your greatest obstacle.  The person who doesn’t quite understand your journey, know or believe the conversations you’ve had with your Master Love Source or respect the strength it took for you to stand up in the first place.  Sometimes, it’s you casting too much hope in the hand that’s gotten you started on your road when the unmitigated truth is… It’s All About You!  Finally!  I might add.

One of my greater struggles stems from an experience I had as a child.  Since then, I may hold on too tight, or let that ass go at the first sign of disconnect.  It’s no gloat for me, but rather a flaw that seems to have impeded all areas of my life.  Business, love, personal, friendship… You name it; it has been foiled at one time or another by this particular character flaw, or rather sensational void that has – has to be continuously filled.

When I was 5 years old, I got a chance to meet my father.  (Yes, I said meet.)  Most folk, in a perfect world grow up being loved by both parents and having a strong parental board aiming them at future goals and wonderful successes.  Ok, well, I didn’t have that.  I’m grateful for a strong-willed mother and an Aunty you could only dream about. They’re the best and the reason I am who and how I am today.  So I have no “apparent” complaints.

I use the word apparent because we aren’t always aware of what’s been cultured in our psyche.   We go day in and day out formulating habits that we cannot pinpoint where they began.  I learned some years ago that that fatal meeting with my father killed not only my confidence as a youth growing up, but also my right to feel I belonged, was safe, cared for and protected.  The one element that so often affects us all was riddled and unseen, “worthiness” had been stolen from me since before I even knew the word or its meaning. 

You see, that day which was stained so deeply in my mind for many years became attached to my teenage wandering and wondering no matter how gifted and talented I was.  What became real for me was that I was not enough for him.  It left me in years of turmoil, identity crisis with little resolution, no reconciliation and with a deteriorating emotional-limp.  Walking up right only when I was “on” “seen”, performing and asked to speak.  I wore a mask of confidence but there was none there.

Completely crippled by the fact that I was introduced to him and he in turn introduced me to his “son” made it immediately evident that I was not “his” in his mind, let alone his heart.  Now trust, I have an awesome mother and wonderful aunt. But it’s that thing that you don’t have that always creeps its way into your mind to be wanted so much more.  Why was I not good enough, what made his “son” so much better?  The question itself caused me to begin building emotional layers that I shielded with food, fake smiles, outrageous behavior, promiscuity, and random thoughtless encounters.  I became my worst enemy.

You see; it was definitely all in my mind.  The lack of “worthiness”, that is.  But the mind becomes whatever you feed it- so I’d fed it doubt, untruths about myself, my lifestyle, and my eating habits, even my family.  I was definitely estranged for some time.  I built a wall around me and only let people; things in that I knew would conform to my way of thinking or bow to my mask of confidence.

It wasn’t until August 2005, my mid-twenties, in the basement of a hotel that held a Sunday service that I began to believe God truly intended good for me, my life…but it took another four years, August 2009 for me to actually deal with all of the things that were weighting me down.  My “Diane von Furstenberg” I like to call it- Baggage!!!!!

On that hot August Cali day in 2009 I found myself in my closet on the floor- feeling the void; the hole in my gut was so real, so dark.  I could barely breathe, I whispered to the God that I’d grown to believe, love and trust “I can not do this” and as tears flowed down my face like a rushing stream, I realized that I didn’t have to.  There was something that spoke to my core, “there is water in the dessert.

The truth is; I had no idea of what that meant.  Water in the dessert was simple enough but what did that have to do with me?  As I put one foot in front of the other in the days that followed my “mountain top experience”, God began to show himself clearly.

The problem wasn’t that my father had “left” or that I was bullied by the kids in my neighborhood, school and my own siblings- the problem was I had never taken the time to see myself through the only eyes that were truly empowered to bless me.  ME!

I had forfeited my power, my greatness, and my worthiness because I’d wanted it to come from an outside source instead of from within.  I did reconcile that as a child, that part was normal; however as we grow physically, there has to be emotional maturity and responsibility.  Look, I will never ever ever tell anyone that they have not gone through what they have.  I will never try to convince you that it was an illusion or that because we were kids it didn’t count, or that my father wasn’t wrong for abandoning his responsibility… I will however ask, what are you doing with what He’s given you?

You see, the mere Fact that we are here, proves in and of itself that I AM, and because I belong to Him, worthiness is not an option, its’ the law!!!  Yup, we all fall short of the glory, but it’s your personally identifying with inner worthiness that trumps every hurdle you’ve had to jump.  It’s that itch that tells you to go right instead of left.  Its that feeling that makes a young man stand up before the nation and proclaim that he has a dream and it Has come to pass.

I am no champion without being an example to myself first.  I had to get off of the pity pot, stop dragging my feet, let the damn potato chips go and pick up my boxing gloves to fight!

Yes, I’ve been on Oprah, yes I’ve sung for America’s First Lady Michelle Obama, Yes, I’ve traveled the country and the world and Yes I’ve pressed my hands against the very pavement my forefathers fought so gravely to be a part of.  All so that I can walk, stand, speak and sing across the airwaves that we all as equal living beings have a right to, but baby! All that there started with a decision.

A decision to breathe life into the body, the gifts and the soul of the one; count it now, the 1 opportunity that I have to Live!  Existing is easy baby, but LIVING! Ha! That takes self-examination, bravery, ownership and honestly, a will that cannot be faded or easily broken by the voices of all that would call its self an enemy.  Sometimes a quiet “fuck you” is the exact fuel you need to push yourself to the next level of living.

So today, soldier, fighter, redeemed, newly exhilarated.  You hear me when I say… Get that ass up and GO! Take the charge.  It is your body.  You Are Worthy Beautifully made.  Exquisite in His splendor.  You are every bit of greatness that Your Master Love Source has whispered to you in the safety of your healing temple.  Look, you will not win every battle, but know that it takes the right battle fought to win the war.

Don’t give up now.  You’ve got to dig into yourself and pull that fighter out.  No mental, physical or stereotypical bondage can hold you now.  You’ve got the juice!  Pull a team of 1 together and decide the plan.  If you can’t run, swim, you can’t swim, hit a stationary bike, you can’t pedal, grab some 10 pound weights and sit in a chair and lift until you sweat.

Stop telling yourself what you can’t do.  Rationalizing with foolishness because spaghetti tastes better.  Where is your war cry?  One day you won’t be able to taste anything if you don’t make the decision NOW.  Change the lane you’re in, by changing what you think of yourself.  Your bouts with worthiness are almost over- look in the mirror and call forth the vision for your life, passed how you look.  What good is a fabulous fool with no sense of direction?  Remember, it’s not what they say about you, it is about what you think of Yourself.

Love Your Self!

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

The Skin I live In: Emotional Eating; 100 Pounds and Down!

Empty, Worthless, Tired, and Weak; unfortunately this is how I’m feeling tonight.  I’m lonely and uncovered and seeking something bigger, greater and fuller than my understanding.  I wish I could say that the feeling is about a plate or some rich food I wish I could eat, but it’s not.  I’m feeling this way, I believe because I’m transitioning into a space that I’ve never been in before, something I’ve never seen.  But isn’t this space the place of new-birth?  A place of surrender, no strength, no masks, desperate for the fullness of a new life in the exact space that was designed specifically for Me. 

I’m hungry to feast on the vision poured into me while I sleep.  I‘ve heard it said that God is never far away and is always waiting on you, but in which direction are you tonight God?  I decided to write not because of my blog schedule, but because I’m fed up with finding myself emotionally eating when I feel this hole of a space.  I’m angry with the thoughts of being content with whatever disastrous, destroying thoughts that I’ve had in the last 20 minutes.  I’m angry because there is something that is bigger than me that wants me to lean to something temporary rather than fixing my strength to win past the passing hunger pains of feeling empty and away from living my true life.

Like you I try daily, I reach daily, I urge myself from the secret place within to surrender to my calling and to be the example of all that is rich with love and passion for Being, living and loving; but tonight I just want to be held, I want to be satisfied with what God has already provided, done, given, but I’m not there, or haven’t been there today I should say.  I know I’m an encourager, a pillar and a giver, but who will give to me, restore me, encourage me? Me in Him and Him in Me!

So tonight, instead of surrendering to that voice in my head that wants me to give up, I’ll reach for the strength that only comes when my strength is gone.  Tonight I surrender my heart, my mind, my flesh and all of my hearts desire in exchange for the arms of the God I serve.  We get weak, we get tired, we get lonely, and we suffer, that’s just how we’re made…but whom He is trumps all of those physical ailments and torments and imperfections.   There will be nights and days when you don’t want anyone to say to you “you can do it”.  “Keep pushing”, don’t give up here, now” those statements will have no effect on you, hell, they may even piss you off to hear…but that’s when you push, that’s when you pull, that’s when you STAND.

I’ve told you before, I have no secrets; I have no plan in my back pocket to pull out in these moments of disgust.  I continue to say you have to have a base, a place bigger than you your Master Love Source.   I’m a guy who believes fully

Ephesians 3:19-23

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his powerthat is at work within us,

I promise you as surely as my name is Abraham McDonald I would not have been able to push through tonight without this scripture and Hillsong’s “I Surrender” playing in the background while I wrestled with myself.  And no, not having food did not put me in a state is depression, no indeed; food tried to become the solution and entrapment to my dealing with the days hardships.  I’m still learning balance and when I have to break a rule or two to keep myself on track, but today was filled with bumps and bruises, unexpected twists and a bit of loneliness.

Choosing to surrender to the path you’re traveling just isn’t easy…and hell, the truth is you don’t want it to be…How else do we learn to fight and win?  There has to be pressure to birth vision.

SO here I am Now, standing and feeling 100% better, I beat the beast tonight and can head to the gym in peace.  It’s like I’ve said before, you will become angry, sad, lonely and tired, but don’t become a quitter.  Never that!

My dear friend Jamee Payne sent me this photo today from Houston, TX.  Her kids got to decide thier own snacks and this is what they chose.  Made my day 🙂

The Skin I Live In: 100 Pounds and Down I’d rather have a Mood swing than Swing On YOU

Just another day in LA; Gym, rehearsal, studio and filming… sounds like fun, I know; but having a to do all of that and balance your blood sugar can be a task.  Preparation is my new thing.  I’m not so disciplined, and if I’m honest…I’m not disciplined at All, lol.  I’m getting the hang of it though. Nightly I set up my supplement pocket case, I prepare my breakfast smoothie and try to plan out what I’ll eat for lunch and dinner the next day.  Sounds like a lot but not really when you know that your blood sugar levels affect your mood and energy. I just like to have it set up so I don’t go off.  

I know I talk about attitude and mood a lot, but it seems that those are two factors that often send people off track, ultimately making them quit on themselves.  Nope, I haven’t had one thought of quitting though I have had a moment or two of “bleep this bleep! Lol.  Not the same as quitting for me. Getting a lil huff actually steams me into a place of submission.  I’m a firm believer that I can adjust my power by being ok with being human.  This means that if I have to have my fit I do; I’d much rather have the fit and keep going rather than going away from my goal quietly in the night.  I will not allow diabetes to beat me in any sense of the word.

Over the past few days I’ve been a working idiot!  Teaching vocal lessons, writing songs, brainstorming for TV pitch meetings, rehearsing and then being present for my friends and family.  Again, doesn’t sound like much, but it’s much harder to be present when you feel like you’re gonna pass out from hunger.

I’m a big dude, I’ll never be small, so I have to make sure I get enough calories in this sexy chocolate body to keep it all going while dropping the pounds and cleansing my system.  Starving yourself will never help you lose weight, your body will selfishly hold on to everything, inch, pant size it has to keep it from dying; so I’m now putting more in (edibles) so I can work more off.  I admit I had it backwards at first.  I just didn’t want to feel full, stuffed, like I’ve eaten too much.  Well, with me keeping on the go, I need more to burn more energy.  And with nuts, dried fruit and a carry bag of celery, carrots, olives, hummus, flax seed chips and peanut butter, I’m doing just that!  Keeping that energy going.  

Look! No one can do a better job at being you, but you have to be around for that to happen.  Raising kids, working a job, balancing activities can all be a lot to handle, I just want folks to know that it’s better to prepare your day the night before as best as you can, that way, when life throws those curve balls, you can grab a hand full of nuts while you’re grabbing life by the balls and make it happen.

The Skin I Live In; 100 Pounds and Down Day IV

Setting the tone for weight loss success has a lot to do with personal attitude.  I’ve been readjusting my attitude a lot lately.  I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of cool things, meet a lot of cool people and see a bunch of cool places.  But in all of that, the hustle, the pressure of living I’m seeing now that I have not always had my ears, eyes or heart open for that matter, I have not always been “Present” as my sis Niecy Nash would say…”baby, Stay Present!

Being that I’m on the tightrope of accountability and transparency now, I’m looking and noticing that I very well might have been so consumed with what I wasn’t, what I didn’t have or who I didn’t know that I became a mystery to myself.

I like to say that I’m an extroverted introvert.  I know how to be “on” but that does not make me “present”.  I know you know what I’m talking about; a room full of people but still alone, it’s your birthday but everyone else is celebrating it better than you.  I’ve even been the person who is SO happy and content that that was a lie too.  Just another face I put on, a way to disregard or elude my true feelings.  My true self.

Uncovering, shedding the layers fighting for new air in a suffocating world has made me take shorter breaths yes, but it’s also made me think about the spaces and places I want to breathe in.  Do I even want the “dream” I’ve reached for?  What if the best place, resource for air is right here in the now and the clearing of so much personal junk.  I believe that there is a time for everything under the sun… Maybe the time I’ve so dreamed about is contingent upon my renewing my mind and rebuilding my spiritual walls.

Needless to say, I’m “THERE”, “Here”, and “Present” I’m in a space and time of success that is completely dependent upon my being Honest with me.  I’m becoming ok with today being a less than perfect day, or the fact that changing my diet will at times mess with my energy and attitude.  I’m not saying that I can just go off on others because of what I’m choosing to live now, but I am definitely ok with not putting on a face so You can feel better about My mood or attitude.

The truth of the matter is that I’m human, and though that does not grant me a pass to The Thom Foolery Show, It does mean I have a right to every emotion and feeling God blessed me with.  I’ll cuss and scream; I’ll cry and moan, I’ll push and fight with everything in me.  Hell! I may even throw things. Lol.   I’m detoxing every part of me, and well hell, it doesn’t feel so good.

With that, I’m off to eat this damn grapefruit that I’m swearing will taste like a Mandarin Chinese Chicken Salad lol.

Wanted to let you know what this DHERBS Full Body Cleanse consists of.  Remember, the cleanse is dope by itself but you won’t get the weight loss results you desire without changing your diet and adding movement to your daily regimen. 

I take 30 herbal supplements a day in capsule form and a ½ teaspoon of charcoal before bed… Yes, I said charcoal.  You can visit their site for full details on each supplement.

(1) Blood and Lymphatic

(2) Cardiovascular

(3) Liver and Gallbladder

(4) Lungs and Respiratory

(5) Kidneys, Bladder and Adrenals

(6) Colon and Digestive Tract

(7) Carbon

Look I make no false promises, no false hope only the real deal, this is what I’m doing to change my life.  I love singing and performing, I love speaking and teaching and I want to be able to do these things for the rest of my life should the good Lord allow me to.  I just know that it’s gonna burn is all, lol.  I ain’t no punk though.  I know it can and WILL happen with me applying what I’m learnign and believeing that I can do it.

The Music Box Awards Pre-Gala 2011 From left to right, Assemblyman Isadore Hall, Chair & Key Adminstration Post John F Kennedy Center Mattie McFadden-Lawson, Founder Children Uniting Nations Daphna E. Ziman, MEEE 🙂 , Assitant Principal and Youth Advocate Dr. Joyce D. Rushing, and Director Amazing Grace Conservatory GIGI Bolden.  A wonderful night.

The Skin I Live In: 100 Pounds and Down Day II

I saw a movie with Antonio Banderas recently, the premise was, well, crazy as hell. But it did leave a lingering notion to ponder. If I could be anyone else, who would I be? If I could change any body parts, which would I choose? The more I thought about the “modern” world with all of its cutting and changing of sorts, bleeding to be someone you weren’t born to be… I decided! Yes, there are changes that need to be made, some shape shifting that needs to happen but more than any of those thoughts was the wondrous truth that I would Never want to be anyone more than I want to be me. So why not make me Better!
Though I wouldn’t want to be anyone else, live in any other persons skin, and I damn sure don’t want to change any body parts…is there a way to be a better, brighter, more in tune me without succumbing to the lazy idea of cutting it off, over lapping and layering it, pinching and pulling on it?

Yes! There is! Wake up Fat Fat! Day II

The Wake Up Call for me was stepping on an electronic scale that read “ERROR”. I mean, what the hell!!!? You mean to tell me they don’t even make home scales that could tally my weight? It was disheartening, embarrassing and I even felt a bit of humiliation to say the least. And the truth is, there was no one there pointing fingers at me, laughing or making me feel like I was less than human. No one physically pointing I mean.

In one fell swoop I felt everything I’d felt back in my 11th grade math class. I came in, I sat down and the floor picked me up! Lol. Now, the reality is, the chair was a misfit. But it was still terrible. The teacher laughed 1st and there went my confidence as the classroom went into an uproar. The scale represented for me years of feeling alone and unwanted, reasonably unattractive simply because I weighed more than others. An untruth.

I was so clouded by the weight I’d put on that I began to limit my idea of self and who I am called to be. Leaving the weight behind is easy, (kinda) ☺ but the memories and reasoning in why I chose to eat the things I did, well, that’s the part that has to be fixed. I say has as in the present, because I still struggle, I still revert back to some of those thoughts that make me feel like salvation is Not in the church but in Church’s Chicken. But NOW the difference is, I call Victory before the battle. I understand that how I think about myself determines how far I’ll go, how much I’ll win, what I will accomplish. The goal is set and the mark Will be met. But that takes arming yourself properly. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

My weapons of choice:
• DHERBS Full Body Cleanse
• A Gym Membership (Not a damn visitors pass) a pass can be revoked, membership is a decided action
• A RAW Food diet (Laaaaaawd knows this one is a work in progress)
• And Margo my fearless trainer (She’s last only because I have to be self motivated. Weight loss is a journey; no one is obligated to do this with you.)

Day 1 was hard, my mood was a flux, and I could all of a sudden smell every sweet and savory ingredient known to man and for some reason everybody seemed to be speaking to me extra loud and in code. Don’t know What that was all about. Lol.

I did manage to find some good raw food and I had two brilliant workouts. Yes ladies and gentlemen I said two, 2, dos, more than one. Believe it or not the workouts made me feel incredible.  Look! The process is a process. Lets not weave false doctrine or smoke and lights…It’s going to take hard work to make the PV (Physical Vision) come to life. Lord knows I hope I’m as positive tomorrow as I sound today lol. Each day is different.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about me walking in the house to the smell of homemade hamburgers and then getting asked to make a store run for cupcakes, soda and cheetos.  Lord knows, it took everything in me not to slap DEEE hell out of everyone in my path. Lol.

  Everything you see here is raw, homemade and delicious.  From the homeade Kale Shake to the Raw Tacos with Sun Chorizo (nuts and seeds) to the Hearty homemade salad.

Keep an eye out for my work out posts, I’m 6’8 and doin it!

This is my “What the hell! look as I waited to directions in the airport in Tel Aviv, Israel.  I spent two amazing weeks there performing and seeing the amazing city’s of Jerusalem, Nazareth, and a few others.  Amazing to say the least.